#2 sub

God damn he’s hot. I hate that I’m paranoid. I want to just be able to enjoy how I’m feeling. I want to just roll around in how much I want to do dirty things to him and with him. I want to revel in the NRE. But my past is coming back to haunt me a little bit. Why can’t I just believe it’s as good as it seems. Not perfect, no. But really good! I keep thinking that there must be something I’m missing and I’m going to get hurt. Too many damn liars in my life. It’s almost ruined my ability to trust and enjoy a relationship. I can. But it’s a real struggle. And I have to fight myself to do it. Why do people have to lie, cheat, and steal? Well I know they do it because they can and for a million other reasons. But I have no idea how to get rid of this horrid paranoia I have that he’s not who he says he is and that it will be the last straw for me and the husband. And I’m equally scared that he’s EXACTLY who he says he is and I’m going to fall hard. Again.

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