Good times

Well! I finally got to play and fuck. 3 times this weekend. It was certainly about time. I may not have the exact life I had imagined or that I idealize, but it’s not a bad life. I feel a lot of gratitude and I feel pretty lucky today. And hopeful. Like maybe I’m not too far from what I idealize. Perhaps it’s all just a dream. But perhaps it’s one that can become a reality. In good time. And if #1 and #2 can get along. And neither of them will be frightened of me or what I have to offer. And if I can keep asking for what I need. That’s easier said than done since what I want has the potential to hurt one or all of us. I am a lot more concerned about them getting hurt than me. I’m used to it and I deal with it relatively well. I’m an optimist with narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies. I will be fine. But 2 natural pessimists with admitted self esteem issues? They are not as likely to deal well with that kind of pain. It could be so beautiful. I think if I take it slowly enough, it might just work. Step 1: get them talking to each other. This could take a while.

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