I talked to the boy today

I talked to the boy today. I know he both wants and doesn’t want me to have another sub. I still don’t think he gets it. I have tried so many times to explain to him how it has to be for things to work for me. I can’t just fuck someone. I can’t just play someone. I need so much more for it to be of interest to me. And he hears the words but he doesn’t understand. I am not looking for a one night stand. I could get that tomorrow if I wanted it. I want someone who is going to be committed to me and what I want. And that takes time. Lots of time. Someone who will just give me everything overnight is not someone I’m probably interested in. I would question his judgment. Handing over control to someone you barely know? Preposterous. And I want a lot of control. I want to have my fingers very firmly in that pie. In almost every little slice of it. I’m not going to find that for a week. Just no.

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