I’m doing it wrong: I’m not scared

I’ve just read a lovely post on getting involved in kink for the first time. It was quite well written. It was well received by the masses. It was practically poetic. And I didn’t relate to it at all.

It was all about how there is a big steel door that separates you from kink. In order to get past that big bad door, you have to get past your fear of what might be on the other side. It’s not something that I ever really experienced. That isn’t due to my being a huge badass. It’s because I fell into kink accidentally. I’d had zero fantasies about it before I saw it live and in person. It was not even something I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. Of course there was no steel door for me to beat down. I had no fear of something I never knew existed. Suddenly, there it all was. And the people doing it seemed pretty normal and happy about it to me. Nothing to be afraid of.

It was less like a steel door locked and guarded and me banging on it from the outside. It was more that I happened by an open doorway and the stuff going on inside looked interesting so I went in. I’m generally very glad of the way I initially found kink. But sometimes I also find it very isolating. All the people who commented on this writing clearly have a shared experience. And this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of kinky people having thoughts of kink at a young age and agonizing about doing something about it for years. My husband also falls into that category. I can’t relate. I can only listen and hear how they came into their kinks. Maybe there is someone else out there who fell into kink like I did. Someone who was never really afraid to walk through a door because there was no door. Or because it never occurred to them to be afraid of what they desired. Statistically speaking, there must be more than just me. I just never seem to hear about them.

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