I just read a piece on another blog. It was a great piece and I got a lot out of it. I usually do since Ferns is a great writer. But one of the comments really hit me the wrong way. Especially today, when I have been taking an informal survey of some of my younger friends. Wherein I learned that most of them would play with an older partner or possibly do some service, but wouldn’t date them or consider a relationship of any kind outside of kink. And they would also actively rather have a kink relationship with folks their own age. So the younger person who is genuinely interested in pursuing a kink or romantic relationship with someone more than 5 years older (or younger) is a very small pool indeed. The rest are looking for a convenient way to get their kink needs met. I don’t operate that way and I don’t think I ever have. I have dated all over the age spectrum no matter my own age. Connection has always been much more important to me than how old someone is. Apparently that is somewhat rare.
One of my core needs in a kink relationship is desire. I need to desire him. He needs to desire me. If either side of that equations is missing, I really lose my passion to interact with that person. I need to want to hear the next thing he has to say. I need to look at him and want to devour him whole. I need him to find my quirky sense of humor endearing. I need him to get hard looking at me. If that isn’t happening, no hard feelings, but no thanks.
I just became livid reading a reply to Ferns’ post about mutual discovery and kinky dating. A person basically felt obligated to keep exploring the possibilities with someone he or she knew for a fact wasn’t at all suitable for him or her. Obligated. I hope nobody has ever felt obligated to keep dating me or playing with me or exploring D/s with me. Really. And I mean this from the bottom of my black heart.
Don’t do me any fucking favors.