The winds, the are a’blowing

It’s been a whirlwind few weeks. Insomnia and trying to work through some of my own issues. Then both the husband and the raven are having some personal growth. And it’s been a bit painful for them. And for me.

I’m pretty sure the husband’s issues are what prompted my two weeks of insomnia as I was trying to figure out how I was going to handle dealing with the fallout from how his issues affect me and us as a couple. Ultimately, I will be fine. Hopefully we will be fine as a couple too. I do love him and I would like him to continue to be in my life. I think that as long as he keeps working on the issues, it will be just fine. Sometimes I am impatient, and want more progress. But I can wait. It hasn’t changed me so much that I don’t like who I am. Though it certainly has changed me. It also has reminded me that I’m a very strong person. So that is certainly a great silver lining to all the challenges. Sometimes it’s nice to get that little reminder.

A new thing though, the raven has opened up to me some. So I feel very positive about that. It certainly adds to my stress in some ways. Of course I don’t like it when people I care about are down. But I can’t help feeling a bit more positive about us. Plus I’m a little less stressed out. My trust issues still shout at me from time to time. But some things are starting to make more sense now that I know a little bit more about him. That makes it easier on me. It makes it easier to hang in there. It makes me hopeful for him as a person too. I hope he can see what I see. Though I also fear that might mean he won’t want to be a “secondary” partner once he believes he deserves to be someone’s number one. I think that would be worth the cost to me personally. Of course, it’s a lot easier for me to say that since I haven’t met him in the flesh yet. Touch is the most bonding experience for me, and we don’t have that yet. I still want it, even knowing it might not be a permanent situation.

All in all. I’m so excited for all 3 of us. I feel lots of change in the air. It’s exciting.

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