This post has been something I’ve thought about for a while now. I’m still not exactly sure what I’m saying with it, but I’m in a writing mood lately, so I’m going to just write and see what comes out.
I read a post on another blot that’s written by a male submissive. He’s getting older and is fearful that he will never find a suitable mate (a dominant woman, he’s straight) because he’s getting older. And he is starting to feel sexually irrelevant. My first reaction upon reading this post was a resounding “Welcome to my world,” followed by a strong dose of “How does it feel when the shoe is on the other foot?” Because this is something women have lived with for hundreds of years. I know it sounds terrible. I know that even thinking that makes me a first class bitch. It’s an honest account of my initial reaction to a very long and whiny post about finding someone to love and be loved by.
And really, I get it. Part of what makes me angry about it is that I’ve seen it. I have women friends who are significantly older than I am. And to a certain extent, I’m living it. As I’ve gotten older, I’m dealing with it some myself. Perhaps a bit less than vanilla or submissive women since being dominant woman gives me a little bit of privilege in the “finding a suitable mate” department. And really I have it very easy compared to a lot of people. Not only am I a dominant woman, which is supposedly the rarest of the rare (and therefore much more desirable). And for dominants, usually older is more desirable (at least up to a point). I’ve also got a few other factors on my side. I don’t look as old as I am. This gives me a bit of privilege since, for women, younger has always been stereotypically more desirable than being older. I also currently have a spouse. So in the search for partners, I have already “won.” I have one. I think that if I were trying to date in the vanilla world as a single woman, I’d be in a similar boat to most women and this submissive man.
I’d feel like my chances were dwindling. Slim and getting slimmer every day. Society tells us that if you aren’t young and buff, you’re not desirable. And that’s a pretty rough place to live.
So to the aging male submissives, I don’t really want to say “Buck up, we women have been living with this for centuries.” What I really want to say is:
I understand. I know how you feel. I know it stinks to think that all the dominant women out there seem to only be interested in younger men. I sympathize with your fears and concerns. It’s not a good feeling to think that you’re less valuable than someone else based purely on something you have no control over. I wish that things were different. And the good news is that sometimes they are different. Because I also know from experience and observation that not everyone worships at the altar of youth. The things that society at large tells us “everyone” wants? Not everyone wants those things. Sometimes even the people who might tell you they want those things don’t want those things. They know they don’t want those things but are too scared to step outside the “societally approved” box. And sometimes people don’t even know they don’t want those things yet. They figure it out eventually. No matter how old you are, someone will want you. Probably several someones will want you. So don’t worry. You aren’t sexually irrelevant. Your age isn’t going to disqualify you from ever finding someone. I know it’s frightening. The good and the bad news is that I bet all the women your age, no matter their orientation, know how you feel. I bet if you have a care for their fears and feelings, they will also have a care for yours.