I have had an on and off correspondence with a guy a few states away. He seemed like an interesting person and interested in getting to know me and my take on kink. It all seemed pretty run of the mill. We had a few email exchanges. During one of them, he asked me to skype with him to chat. That isn’t really something I’m interested in doing outside a relationship. It seemed slightly unusual to request to skype chat about kink. Usually when someone requests a skype chat, they want to either do some online play or get something with which to blackmail someone else. Or both. He let the matter drop. I thought it was strange and it rubbed me the wrong way, but I let the matter drop.
Fast forward a few months of minimal communication and he is coming to my area and wants to meet. He will be relatively close, but not exactly in my city. I’m used to driving, and I figure an hour or so isn’t a very long drive. He lets me know when he gets here that he wants to meet late night tomorrow. I’m more of a night person, so that works for me. However, I’ve been a woman all my life. I live in a world where it’s not always safe to meet strange men in hotel rooms. It’s not even necessarily safe to meet strange men alone in public places. So he asks to make the drive and stay at my home overnight. I don’t think so. The last thing I’m going to do is let some strange man I’ve never met know where I live and stay in my home when I’m alone. That is just not happening. Alarm bells start ringing. I politely decline. He says he understands my position.
Then he balks when I mention I am planning on bringing a friend with me. He asks if it’s really necessary. It is. Is it a man? Yes it is. Is he a dom or a sub? Now on this one, I’m pretty curious as to why it would matter. I can vaguely understand that another woman might be very desirable as opposed to another man if you’re a straight male dominant. I could see how having access to two women instead of one could be very advantageous… if one has nefarious plans or is just hopeful. Once he starts balking at having another man around, it starts sounding alarm bells again.
He states again that he would not mind coming here as long as he can stay at my home. The bells are ringing louder. He would be fine with not having me come to the hotel room since he doesn’t want another man in his hotel room. We could go to a restaurant still as long as I leave my companion at another table. Excuse me? Completely unacceptable. It would be the height of rudeness to have a friend be nice enough to make a drive with me to meet some stranger from the internet then banish him to another table. I can’t even imagine how it would make me feel to have to sit at another table like some kind of unruly toddler at Thanksgiving dinner. Needless to say, I have politely declined. If someone can’t understand a few simple safety precautions in the age of rape and human trafficking, I certainly can’t be bothered to go out of my way to meet them.
Safety first, people. I do also fully acknowledge that part of the reasons I can hear those alarm bells and act in a safer way is that I have lost a lot of my blind trusting naivety. So there is my silver lining from the dark cloud of having trust issues now. I’m a whole lot safer than I used to be.