Thinking about sex

I’ve been reading a few posts on sex from a dominant woman’s point of view. And I’ve been on OKCupid. One of the questions is “How confident are you in your sexual abilities?”

I just realized how I think about sex is probably atypical for women. Maybe it’s not. I don’t know. But when considering how best to answer it, because I over-analyze these kinds of things, I came to the conclusion that my focus on what might or might not make me a great lover is very much focused on me. I did not consider whether or not I would be able to get some guy off. I considered many things. That just wasn’t one of them. My focus was more on things like…

I am really good with a flogger, cane, paddle, whip, rope, etc.

I can plan a scene &/or sexual encounter that we can both/all enjoy.

I will surely get off.

So basically I am considering myself more as the one doing the things as opposed to being done to. I am also much more focused on me. It’s me first then us then him/them. Having spent many years of my life discussing sex lives with my women friends, I don’t know too many women who really think this way about sex. Sure, they want to have an orgasm or two. But most of them seem to be much more focused on his orgasm. If one of my partners doesn’t get to orgasm, I’m good. And usually it’s because I specifically don’t want him to. Also, I’m not at all dependent on him to “give me” an orgasm. I’m the one directing traffic. I’m either doing something to him or I’m deciding how the action will go. So the one giving me an orgasm is me. And while I’m not completely certain I could say that I “give” my partner(s) an orgasm if I’m going to allow one… I’m still the one allowing it. And most of my women friends are fine doing things in bed that they don’t really like to do. I’m not. If I don’t like it, it’s just not going to happen. And I’m not going to be cajoled or bullied into trying it either. If I’m ambivalent or simply haven’t tried something, I might well give it a go and see if I can enjoy it. But unless I’m enthusiastic about something, it’s just not going to be included in my sex life.

So basically what I’m trying to say here is that I’m a selfish lover. But not in a bad way!


2 responses to “Thinking about sex

  1. I understand this post completely. I have always thought women need to be more selfish in sex. Men generally are, but women somehow usually feel the need to please. I have always done what I want, and what pleases me. In my relationship now I am the only one who receives oral, and I love that. And it is great to be with a man who is turned on by the fact that I won’t belittle myself to go down on him. He is beneath me in our sex life and he likes it that way.

    • I don’t give blowjobs either. I decided I didn’t like it, so I stopped doing it several years ago. I don’t look at it as beneath me or belittling. That being said, I also love humiliation play and would absolutely say something like, “I won’t belittle myself to put my mouth anywhere near your penis.” Because that would be hot for me and the husband!

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