Doing it wrong: rope

I like bondage. I like it a lot. It’s really one of my favorite things. But I’m not that fond of rope. Now, this is not a popular opinion right now. Maybe in a few years it will be. I find things tend to go en vogue and out over time. If I wait long enough, I won’t be doing it wrong any more. Maybe.

So I took a few classes from some very famous people, and it just didn’t strike me as something I wanted to get into. It wasn’t that it took so long to do. I love mummification, and that’s at least an hour of my time just getting him all wrapped up. I always plan for plenty of playtime. It wasn’t that even the learning process took a long time. I love blood play and that required a lot of extra learning about the dermis and sterile technique and general anatomy. It wasn’t that the gear is expensive. Nothing is more expensive than my fetish clothing habit. It was that rope (the way I was trying to learn it) was really just in my way.

For the most part, all the classes I took involved putting a whole lot of rope on someone and quite possibly getting them into some odd contorted position. They stayed in the rope for a while. Then you were done. That was completely unappealing to me. As much as I love bondage, it’s never just for the sake of the bondage. The bondage is like the ribbon on a present, and the things inside that package… the whipping and watching him endure or struggle against the bondage or listening to him howl… are what feed my soul. No matter how beautiful the rope, it’s never enough on its own to make me feel ten feet tall the next day.

And the positions are all wrong for the kind of play I do. When the arms/hands are behind someone, I can’t hit where I want to hit. They are in my way. (Granted, I’ve modified tons of things that are more traditional in order to make them much more useful for impact and sexual play.) And let’s not even mention things like hogties. So my partner is laying face down on something and both the arms and the legs are behind the back… and in the way. Really in the way. What can I hit? The shins? The face? The bottoms of the feet? Great if you’re into face slapping and bastinado. Otherwise pretty useless.

I get bored. I don’t want to watch someone in pretty rope for hours any more than I want to watch someone in mummification for hours. The rope is a means to an end. And because it’s a means to an end, it mustn’t be in my way. And most rope… is. VERY in the way. I had to find someone who doesn’t do traditional shibari/kinbaku/rope in order to learn there was a way for me to enjoy it. And it’s very enjoyable because its so very versatile. One piece of rope can replace a set of wrist cuffs, a set of ankle cuffs, 4 lengths of chain, and all sorts of things. It is much more versatile than leather bondage when it comes to suspension. So it really has its good points.

But I’m not really a rope person. In the kink community (both online and in person), I keep hearing how the only right way to do rope is to use it to connect to your partner. Use it to create intimacy! Feel how personal and intimate and connecting the rope scene is!! And for the love of all things holy, don’t suspend anyone!!! That’s just showy and you can’t possibly be connected to someone that way.

Well I’m doing it wrong. I don’t want to use rope to create a rosy-colored scene with my partners. I want to use the absolute minimal amount of rope I possibly can to immobilize that hot piece of meat. And there better be vast tracts of skin left uncovered by that rope. If all I can hit is rope, it does nothing for me. And I don’t want to run rope sensually and connectingly over his body. I want to get him tied the fuck up so I can hurt him and use his body. And what’s more, I love using rope to suspend him. Not because it’s showy and impressive and oooohhh ahhhhh, look at what I can do! I like it because he’s still pretty mobile while also helpless and vulnerable. Once someone is completely and helplessly bound, it can be complicated and difficult to move them around if they are not in a good position for me to do what I want to do. A hoist fixes a whole host of those problems. And not only that, but I mostly do it at home where nobody can see me. Because after I beat him for a bit, I’m going to fuck his ass. And that’s pretty bloody connecting and intimate and PERSONAL.

So I may not be doing it right. But I never said that just because I know how to tie someone up or hang them from a hard point that I’m a rope person.

I’m not. I use it. It’s a tool. And it’s not even one of my favorite tools.


4 responses to “Doing it wrong: rope

    • Thanks! I recently kinda took one of my local rope enthusiasts to task about rope suspension. Just because he can’t connect to someone who’s suspended really doesn’t mean nobody else can. And who’s to say that the rope is creating a connection? Maybe it is and maybe it’s not.

  1. I’ll pass on the rope and leave that for my pork roast. Yep, suspension, great rope technique, yada,yada,yada…does nothing for me. And your right…It’s in the way. In a BIG way actually….So annoying. Don’t get me wrong, bondage is great, but the pleasure of exposed skin in my book is the treat.

    • Don’t get me wrong… there are plenty of ways to get someone trussed up in rope that still leave lots and lots of skin available! It’s just that the official rope people don’t seem to do it that way. Because none of the traditional ties do it that way. And TRADITION!!! But I’m also a fan of to each hir own. If skin is your thing, it’s great!

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