Open letter to today

Dear designers of dog kennels,

Your designs fucking suck. And I mean that in the worst way you can take it. You must not actually own any dogs. If you did you would not design round edges so that it must be either taken apart entirely or held with one hand (and still rocks back and forth) for cleaning. If you did, you would not have so many vent holes on the sides because you’d know that is just another way for pets to get waste out of the kennel (and also all in the vent hole while they’re at it). You would know that having all sorts of little nooks and crannies in the bottom makes it at least twice as hard to clean. And you would know that having deep slots wide enough to have packed-in dirt (or, you know, dog shit) and urine but not wide enough to get any kind of cleaning implement into IS A BAD FUCKING DESIGN ELEMENT.

No love,

Dear husband,

Your “easy fix” cleaning was way easier for you but created exponentially more work for me after you were gone. And I was stuck dealing with it because… someone had to and you’re gone. If you want the easy way out, then I will hire a kink friendly maid and you can pay for it. Otherwise, fucking clean it they way I tell you to. And if I find one more toilet scrubber caked in disgusting, yellow, dried urine… I will fucking use it on you as an insertable. No lube. I don’t know any other way to make it clear to you that it is not acceptable to just use it and put it back in the holder without rinsing it off. Clearly asking you repeatedly not to do that didn’t work. And showing it to you didn’t work either. I guess it doesn’t bother you. And fucking use some cleaning agent. Not just the scrubber. Things don’t get fucking clean without some kind of cleaning agent.

No love,

In addition. Fuck my wireless router. And fuck static electricity.


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