I’ve been tired and cranky lately despite having a lot of fun as well. I think that the fun has made me miss the times when I can’t have fun. Or that I can’t have fun with the people I’d like to be having the fun with. I’m very grateful to my friends. I don’t have a line of friends around the block. I have a few friends that I enjoy spending time with. I treasure them. (In one case, I treasure him so much as a friend that though I can tell he would love to bottom to me, I won’t even consider risking the friendship for some sadistic fun.) My friends have been great about trying to keep me busy and my spirits up. But they are no substitute for the men I want to be spending physical time with.
I think I’m reaching my limit on doing without the physicality I crave and need. Dealing with the lack of physical presence of the raven was a lot more palatable when I had the husband around. But now that he is a visitor instead of living here, I am not getting what I need as often as I need it. People I know are a terrible fit for me are starting to look more palatable. That’s not a good thing. Luckily, I’m still at a point where I recognize it’s not a good thing and is a result of my needs not being met. But I can conceive a time that line will blur if this continues.
Also. I’m completely over the whole “Alpha” thing. I don’t care if it’s alpha dog or alpha male or alpha bitch or alpha slave. I’m over it.