This is my life: the phone call

We’re driving to an event together. He’s driving. I’m looking around and relaxing. The phone rings. He lets go of my hand to answer it.


A woman’s voice on the other end of the line. Alarm bells start softly sounding in my head. So many times I’ve been suspicious that I’m actually a mistress in the traditional sense of the word.

“Yeah. Ok.”

The bells are louder now. He sounds like he might be avoiding. Is he? I can’t really tell, but I don’t want to be a dirty little secret. I hate that. I already have one man in my life that won’t talk about me to any of his friends or family. And I’ve only known the wild thing for a few months. Maybe I don’t know him as well as I thought I did. Maybe I’m his dirty little secret and I didn’t realize it. The alarm bells are going crazy.

“No. I’m hanging out with Anonymouskinky today. Ok. Bye.”

I look at him and I almost want to cry. He grabs for my hand again. Smiling at me. He wants to touch me. He is telling the other person on the end of the line that I’m in his life. He isn’t keeping me a secret. He isn’t ashamed of me or of what we are doing together. I hardly know what to do with myself.

“What? You’re looking at me funny. I was just telling my mom I am busy today.”

And later. Much later. The next day later…

“I’m having dinner with a few friends tonight. Would you like to come? I’m inviting you.”

I’m floored. It hurts me a little that I’m so floored by this. I shouldn’t be. But I am. I just want to hold him and make every single one of his dark dreams come true.


Edit: And as a contrast. The raven broke our date tonight with about a half hour’s notice. It’s been over a year we’ve known each other now. Nobody in his life knows I exist. The contrast is staggering.


2 responses to “This is my life: the phone call

  1. I love your writing. It really brings on all the feelings you are going through and is so relatable.

    • Thanks. I have never felt like I was much of a writer. The “unedited” part is completely true in the sense that I just start writing and hit the publish button! So it’s usually pretty raw thoughts and emotions. The only editing that goes on around here is when I add on at the end of a post if something else happened to stir the grey matter to further comment. 🙂

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