You think you know someone. Today I found out that someone I consider a friend (perhaps not a close friend, but definitely more than an acquaintance) is… a bigot. I’m shocked. I usually have a fairly good radar for people with whom I won’t get on well. This is a massive fail.
The good news is that I can now look back and see some subtle warning signs. I know that many kinky people have long-term kink relationships of one sort or another. In this regard, they might claim more knowledge about kink relationships. Or relationships in general. But… If someone thinks they know more about my relationship than I do, they might not be someone incredibly flexible in their thinking. Knowing more about a 24/7 TPE relationship with a non-romantic partner does not qualify you to judge my romantic D/s kinky relationships.
And I think that perhaps this lack of flexibility in general thinking might lead to bigotry. I have met many wonderful people since I’ve been involved in kink. Some of them are female-identified Masters. Some of them are female-gendered persons in a genetically male body. Some of them are bisexual, transexual, sapiosexual, or asexual. I know people who don’t identify with either traditional gender or a binary gender system. And I also know that a binary gender system isn’t a universal theme. I’m pretty open to them identifying in whatever way is honest and right for them. I really don’t like other people telling me how I have to identify. If I listened to the traditional wisdom, I’d be considered a submissive. Because I look like a woman. And it wouldn’t matter that I have no desire to submit.
If someone tells me that though she has a penis instead of a vagina, she is a woman… I fucking believe her. I don’t argue that because she has a penis, she must identify as a male. I don’t tell her that I’m confused and uncomfortable and it’s her fault and so she should quit identifying as a woman because I find it discomfiting. I don’t say that I know her better than she does. Because I don’t. I haven’t walked in her shoes. I’ve had it incredibly easy. Other than being a dominant, which isn’t apparent just by looking at me, I’m quite stereotypical. I’m genetically female, I look very feminine, and I identify as a female. But I have friends that aren’t that lucky. And fuck anyone who thinks that being confused, uncomfortable, or having a superiority complex is an excuse for bigotry.