Breaking it down

“Setting aside the fact that localtranswoman* clearly identified him/herself to me as a female sub, and therefore ineligible to be part of a femdom group, now a biological male–and regardless of what she wants to believe, localtranswoman is a bio male–wants to explore his dominance in a femdom setting.”
The thing about people is… they change over time. Like everything else in the world, people aren’t static. We grow and explore and change. That is (in my humble opinion) one of the things we’re meant to do here on this big blue planet. Sure, some people don’t change much over their lifetimes. Some people are averse to change, and try their best to avoid it. But human beings change. Someone who has been in the kink lifestyle for a few months can’t always be expected to fall directly into the identity or identities that suit them best. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out where we fit. So I don’t find it hard to believe that someone who identified as x might later identify as x and also y or even not x and very y.
And in addition, I will just reiterate that I find it highly offensive for someone to deny another autonomous human the right to self-identify something like gender or sexuality. It’s the height of arrogance.
“I asked guywhowantstobelongtome* about the munch. He was there and I wasn’t. He said it was weird to be in that femdom setting with a male — never for a moment does localtranswoman look femme — who he was supposed to consider a woman and dominant. I can imagine what that would do to the boys’ energy at a party. Many submales don’t come out to pansexual events because they don’t feel comfortable around submissive women or dominant men and it messes with their head space.”
So, because one person who wasn’t there was confused and uncomfortable and the submissive she’s considering was uncomfortable, we will now deny someone the right to participate. Well, it isn’t my group. And the owner of the group can do whatever she wants to do with the group. If she wants to limit the group to dominant women between the ages of 57 and 82 who have long hair and paint their fingernails blue and submissive men who want to paint blue nailpolish on the fingernails of dominant women between the ages of 57 and 82… it’s her right to define the parameters of her own group. However, the more you limit things, the fewer eligible people there are. And when it comes to something as volatile as gender identities or kink roles, it can alienate even those who do fit the parameters if you put your limits on things in a less than savory way.
And are we so delicate as dominant women and submissive men that we can’t handle a dominant woman who happens to have a cock or a submissive man who happens to have a vagina? I asked the Wild Thing if being at a femdom event with a transdomme had disturbed or confused him. He hadn’t even noticed. So I asked the Husband if it would bother him. He didn’t think so. So clearly for some it matters, and for others it’s not an issue at all. And exactly how feminine in appearance does one have to be before we allow them to call themselves a woman? How masculine does one have to appear before we let him call himself a man? Who decides this crap anyhow? Is this the best we can do? I hope not.
“localgenderfluidperson* has given me similar brain-twisting, since he has come to our munches as a man — which he is — but has told me that his male personna is dominant. I got past that because he feels sub to me, but if he showed up dressed as a woman and claimed to be dominant I wouldn’t consider him a Domme.
I vote no. I will yield to groupowner’s* decision, but I’m firm about localtranswoman not coming to my home. I don’t want localgenderfluidperson here, either, for the record.”
So herein lies the crux of the actual issue. Someone who doesn’t understand or acknowledge transgendered people is being confronted about her bigotry and doesn’t want to give it any critical thought or have to put up with those pesky trans people in her world. Because it’s all her world, of course.
*names changed to protect… well you know how it works
** further edited to add that I have no idea why the formatting is messed up and I can’t seem to fix it.
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