Monthly Archives: November 2014

Daydreaming

In my perfect world…

I live in a relatively peaceful and joyous household with two gorgeous, loving, submissive men who are friends & who adore me. We have our good days and bad days as humans do, but we are all dedicated to being together for the long haul. We all want to be in the same auto, on the same journey, with me at the wheel. They agree that I will be able to do as I please with them sexually & with their bodies in general. I agree not to disregard their hard limits. They agree that unless there is some extremely compelling reason (such as loss of life, limb, or liberty), they will do things my way. I will not give them useless tasks or busy work just because I can. They will strive to make my life easier and more pleasurable. I will communicate clearly what I expect of them in order that they can make my life easier and more pleasurable. Because they are putting their trust in me, I will strive to make the best decisions for all of us. They will strive to abide by my decisions with grace. I will strive to take suggestions and criticism with grace.

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30 Days of Kink: 11 – 15

11. What are your views on the ethics of kink?

I think it’s ethical if the people doing it are ethical people. Of course, there are no guarantees of this. Just as in every other walk of life, there are jerks, assholes, users, abusers, liars, scallywags, you get the picture. What I don’t think is that consensual inequality in relationships is inherently unethical.

12. Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.

I once accidentally fried the Husband’s cock and balls due to a sub-par electrical device. It suddenly jumped all the way to the highest setting. He was yelling. I was freaking out. It was like some kind of kinky sitcom. After the fact (way after the fact), we laughed about it. However, in the moment it was all kinds of not funny. And the Husband was incredibly pissed off at me. From this we learned NOT to skimp on quality toys.

13. Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you. Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

As best I can tell, I’m just wired this way. I am drawn to these things because I am. I wasn’t abused as a child or any other odd stereotypical tripe that gets bandied about. I grew up in a middle class home with loving parents. I had a boring and normal childhood. I will certainly say that I’m drawn to the possibilities that kink offers for artistic expression & vulnerability.

14. How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?

In almost every conceivable way from the kink porn I’ve seen. The porn fantasy of BDSM/kink usually involves a one-dimensional, aloof, uncaring, inhumanly beautiful, latex-clad Vaklyrie doing exactly (and only) the things that the guy in said porn likes. And then she sucks his dick. While I love latex, consider myself attractive, and can bitch-queen it up as well as the next gal… I’m also much more than just those things. I have more dimensions. I also cry and laugh and read science fiction novels with my submissives. I love them fiercely. I do things with them and require things of them that they don’t like. And we all have lives outside of kink.

15. Post a BDSM/kink activity you are curious about and would like to try.

I have, for years, wanted to try saline infusion. I have specifically wanted to try scrotal infusion. Recently I’d also like to try giving the Wild Thing saline “implants.”

This is my life: I can’t get no satisfaction

“I would like to be able to have sex with the Wild Thing.”

… silence …

This rant is brought to you by my (lack of) sex life. For someone with two men who are submitting to me, you’d think I’d have more sex. I would certainly like to have more sex. Lots more sex. Unfortunately, it never quite seems to work out that way. I might get to have sex once or twice a month. That’s really not my ideal. I love cock. I prefer sex a few times a week. But despite owning two men with perfectly good penises (penii?), I just can’t get some. Why? Well I’ll tell you.

One of the men, the Husband, is currently working about 9 hours away from me. I see him for 3-6 days every month. I own his penis. I can use it whenever I want to. Except that most days, if I want to use it, I’d have 18 hours of driving for some cock. And when he’s here, we can’t always get on the same page about getting our groove on. He doesn’t like having sex when I’m on my period. So if he’s here when I’m all bleeding, I can’t have sex with him. And sometimes he’s just not in the mood. I could technically just tell him to get it up and then jump on him. But that’s not really appealing to me. I don’t like having to force someone to get it on with me. That makes me feel gross & undesirable, not to mention a little rapey.

I do have ready access to the penis attached to the Wild Thing. I see him for at least a few days every week. And if he isn’t in my actual presence, he’s only a phone call away. I own his dick. It is mere minutes away at all times. And he’s certainly willing whenever I want to interact with him sexually. I can use it whenever I want to right? Wrong. I have to ask permission from my submissive property, the Husband, in order to be able to have sex with my submissive boyfriend. Let me just say that again, because it feels all kinds of wrong to me.

I, as the dominant and owner, must ask permission of my submissive property in order to be able to fuck my boyfriend.

I feel like I’m eating shards of glass every time I have to get his permission to do something that (to my mind) should be a normal and natural occurrence between people who are dating.

I feel like an an asshole asking the Wild Thing to wait for a third party’s whim to decide when he can have sex.

I feel like the submissive partner in my own sex life.

I do not feel empowered as a dominant or a sexual being.

I do not feel I’m having enough sex.

But there are no easy answers. The Husband can’t accept my having sex whenever I want to. So he is still in control of my sex life. I hate it. But I hate it less than I hate the idea of being without the Husband. So I eat my broken glass. I bleed my words & my independence out of my mouth. And I am eternally thankful that the Wild Thing is so easygoing.