This is my life: I can’t get no satisfaction

“I would like to be able to have sex with the Wild Thing.”

… silence …

This rant is brought to you by my (lack of) sex life. For someone with two men who are submitting to me, you’d think I’d have more sex. I would certainly like to have more sex. Lots more sex. Unfortunately, it never quite seems to work out that way. I might get to have sex once or twice a month. That’s really not my ideal. I love cock. I prefer sex a few times a week. But despite owning two men with perfectly good penises (penii?), I just can’t get some. Why? Well I’ll tell you.

One of the men, the Husband, is currently working about 9 hours away from me. I see him for 3-6 days every month. I own his penis. I can use it whenever I want to. Except that most days, if I want to use it, I’d have 18 hours of driving for some cock. And when he’s here, we can’t always get on the same page about getting our groove on. He doesn’t like having sex when I’m on my period. So if he’s here when I’m all bleeding, I can’t have sex with him. And sometimes he’s just not in the mood. I could technically just tell him to get it up and then jump on him. But that’s not really appealing to me. I don’t like having to force someone to get it on with me. That makes me feel gross & undesirable, not to mention a little rapey.

I do have ready access to the penis attached to the Wild Thing. I see him for at least a few days every week. And if he isn’t in my actual presence, he’s only a phone call away. I own his dick. It is mere minutes away at all times. And he’s certainly willing whenever I want to interact with him sexually. I can use it whenever I want to right? Wrong. I have to ask permission from my submissive property, the Husband, in order to be able to have sex with my submissive boyfriend. Let me just say that again, because it feels all kinds of wrong to me.

I, as the dominant and owner, must ask permission of my submissive property in order to be able to fuck my boyfriend.

I feel like I’m eating shards of glass every time I have to get his permission to do something that (to my mind) should be a normal and natural occurrence between people who are dating.

I feel like an an asshole asking the Wild Thing to wait for a third party’s whim to decide when he can have sex.

I feel like the submissive partner in my own sex life.

I do not feel empowered as a dominant or a sexual being.

I do not feel I’m having enough sex.

But there are no easy answers. The Husband can’t accept my having sex whenever I want to. So he is still in control of my sex life. I hate it. But I hate it less than I hate the idea of being without the Husband. So I eat my broken glass. I bleed my words & my independence out of my mouth. And I am eternally thankful that the Wild Thing is so easygoing.

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2 responses to “This is my life: I can’t get no satisfaction

  1. Sounds like it’s time to have a very open, honest discussion with the husband about your relationship and your needs and the fact that they aren’t being met. As someone who is poly, I know that negotiating sex with other people can be a tough discussion. My experience is that most objections come down to feelings of insecurity. He may fear that you want sex with someone else because you’re dissatisfied with him, don’t love him, aren’t attracted to him etc.. Some people have trouble understanding that it isn’t about them, it’s about you and what you need. What I do know from experience is that any arrangement where you have to constantly check with one partner about what you are “allowed” to do with anyone else is a recipe for a lot of unhappiness and resentment all round. Consent is important, but asking someone to always check with you before they do anything is more about controlling someone than it is about consent.

    If it helps, the agreement I have with my partners is that we keep each other informed and get consent before starting anything new. No one has the power of veto. We all have the right to say what we want to do with someone and we all have the right to respond with how we feel about that. And of course, how a partner feels about another partner or prospective partner will certainly influence our decisions, but no one gets to veto something “just because”. One of my partners has been on the receiving end of a partner whose primary partner insisted she get permission first every time she wanted to have sex with him. It wore thin pretty fast. It’s a tall order to ask someone to deal with constant uncertainty about what they can or can’t do with you based on the whim of a third party.

    Have the talk with the husband and get to the bottom of what his insecurity is about you having sex with someone else. Be bluntly honest about the effect his actions are having on you and your happiness. Also highlight how unreasonable it is for the wild thing to have to deal with constant uncertainty, Negotiate something that works for both of you. It shouldn’t only be a choice of “do what he wants or he’ll leave”.

    • The thing is that we’ve already had the open and honest talk about getting needs met. Multiple times. He knows this doesn’t meet my needs. I know why he feels so uncomfortable about my having sex with someone else. He likes the Wild Thing. So that isn’t a part of it. In this, our needs are simply incompatible. I keep working towards getting both our needs met in a way that isn’t damaging to anyone involved. But for now, I’m choosing myself as the one who gets the short end of the stick. It may not always be that way. But right now it is this or divorce.

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