30 Days of Kink: 21 – 25

21. Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)?

I’ve read a few official kink books and they were… decent. There is a series of books by Anne Bishop, The Black Jewels books, which is vaguely female dom/male sub oriented. I enjoyed the books, but don’t think they are a very good representation of what most BDSM relationships are like. Especially since they involve magic!

22. What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I’m not sure it differs much from a vanilla relationship really. The only difference is that I think there are more (kink/BDSM) needs which must also be fulfilled. So there are more chances that something might fall between the cracks if one isn’t paying attention or gets too bogged down with other life stuff.

23. Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Just about everything has changed. I thought I was slave material. I’m not. Then I thought I was only a sadist with no interest in domination. I was wrong. There are so many things that I thought I’d never be interested in or turned on by. But I am. I thought I’d never find a partner that would meet even half my kinky needs. But I have. I thought so many things. Now I’m just trying to keep up with all the changing perspectives and interests!

24. What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I look for the same things I’d look for in a vanilla partner. In addition to “the usual” things like honesty, intelligence, and that sort of thing… I enjoy men (and it does need to be a genetic male or a transwoman whose penis is still functional and she’s still willing to use it) who are submissive masochists. Nothing else will do.

25. How open are you about your kinks?

Within the kink community, I’m quite open. There are almost no things I am not open about. I do have some… different fantasies that I’ve only shared with one person. They are physically impossible, so they will never happen unless science as we know it ceases to exist. I have some other… darker fantasies that I don’t share with very many people outside of my inner inner circle. Otherwise, I am an open book. Outside the kink community, I don’t bring it up nor do I participate in many conversations with vanilla people about my kinks. I will talk to my (few) vanilla friends. But I certainly don’t volunteer my kinks to strangers or people I don’t know. Even so, I’m much more “out” about my kinks that the Husband likes. He’d prefer if I never mentioned anything about our poly or kink lifestyle to anyone ever. But I am a horrible liar. So the best I can usually do is to make noncommittal noises or avoid the conversation entirely.

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