This is my life: A night like any other

We had been together for several days already. There had been opportunities, but I’d passed them up. It didn’t seem quite the moment. He was not in his usual happy mood. I was waiting. I had him do some cooking, which usually cheers him up. It seemed to bring back some of his usual cheerful demeanor, but it didn’t last. I had given him some chores. That helped temporarily as well. He even asked if there was more he could do. But eventually, I was tired of waiting for that perfect moment.

I stripped him. I bound him. I started biting and flogging him. He began crying with the flogging. I had been expecting that. He’d been in a melancholy mood. His emotions close to the surface. I soon gave up the flogger for the whips. I began to hurt him in earnest. He sobbed. I put a towel down at his feet so he could drool, spit, sputter, anything. And he did. I gave him tissues and sips of water. I continued to whip him til his legs were collapsing and his back was bloody.

As his legs gave out, it was starting to pull on his wrists. His arms stretched overhead to their limit. So I took the cuffs off. And kept going. I placed my foot near his hand so he could touch me if he wanted to. Or needed to. He did. Eventually I decided he’d had enough. He was sobbing on the ground in a small pile of beautiful, bloody, submissive flesh. I put the whip down and laid on the ground beside him. He reached for me with a sweet desperation. I probably shouldn’t love that. But I do. It’s one of my favorite parts of our play. He needs to feel me. Feel me surrounding him with my arms and my acceptance and my love. He needs it like air. And I love him all the more for his unabashed neediness.

This time was different though. His sobbing was less heaving and more choking tears. It felt different to me as well. I asked him about it and my suspicions were confirmed. He didn’t experience the same moving kind of catharsis he usually does when I whip him that hard. I was hoping for that catharsis for him. That letting go and purging of emotions. But it doesn’t seem to work that way for him. Actually, it’s never worked that way for anyone I’ve played with. I begin to wonder if that “I will beat you because you need to let go!” is just a myth. I think the thing that helped the most was our being together. But maybe his being able to serve me by cooking, cleaning, and meeting my sadistic needs was more help than I think. I’ll have to ask him after more time has passed and he has some distance from it.

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5 responses to “This is my life: A night like any other

  1. It’s the whole experience. Beatings always help me release my hurt or pain, the after care is just as important for me. Him kissing and cleaning my wounds.

    • Well he loves the whole experience as well. Even when the play part of the experience is more something he endures as opposed to enjoys, he loves the whole experience! This was more a commentary on the idea that when a bottom/masochist is upset or out of sorts, a good beating will be just the ticket. So it isn’t that the Wild Thing didn’t love our scene. He did. But it didn’t serve the purpose I hoped it would. And it hasn’t with anyone I’ve ever played with. Of course, that’s a very small sample size!

  2. I think the idea that people get any one particular thing out of pain play, or even that the same person gets the same thing out of it every time, isn’t particularly true or helpful. I bottom for mild pain play, and I get different things out of it at different times. I have sometimes wanted to do pain play to help with difficult emotions, but that’s a question of endorphins, not catharsis.

    Unrelated: where did you get that cover photo? Did you take it? My goodness, that’s hot.

  3. I agree that play, even doing the exact same things to the exact same person, can be quite different. Maybe I shouldn’t be going for “catharsis” in these situations. Maybe “exhaustion” or “release” would be a more attainable goal. Then again, the regularly experiences catharsis during heavy play. I will also take note that the impetus of pain play to deal with difficult emotions stems from you as a bottom. Perhaps that is the real key to it. But it’s nice to know that it can work that way!

    Also, the picture of the fellow with the thorns in his mouth (and the bondage avatar I use) came from tumblrs that I follow. I wish I could take credit for the ideas or the photographs, but I can’t!

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