Monthly Archives: March 2015

Musings on forced femme & feminization

It’s a touchy subject. And it’s surrounded by heated debates almost every time it is brought up. Forced anything play.

I do it. I like it. Sometimes. And other times, I wouldn’t touch it under threat of death. (Slight exaggeration, but you get the picture.) Why? Well I’m glad you asked. I’ll tell you! And I’m using forced femme as my platform as I’ve just read something that insisted that all forms of forced femme stem from a place of misogyny. I have, therefore, just been called a misogynyst. Of course, I disagree.

I have two very different submissives right now. The Wild Thing wears panties every day. I took away all his “man” undergarments. He has one pair of black boxer briefs that he is allowed to keep in case he has some kind of emergency where he needs to present as male/masculine. Otherwise he wears panties. All day every day. It isn’t forced. I require it, but I didn’t force it out of him. It’s who he is. He owned some before we met along with some skirts and feminine lingerie. It’s natural to him. As natural and right as his having skin or legs or eyes. It was my choice to have him wear them all the time, but I did so because it is a part of him. I want him to know I think it’s sexy and beautiful and that I love to see him in his panties.

I also like to see The Husband in sexy feminine clothing. He has a love/hate relationship with wearing them. He doesn’t like wearing them. He likes being forced. I like to see him in them. I like forcing him. Many people would say that he’s a misogynistic jerk because he likes me to force him to wear women’s clothing. And that I am, by my participation in this activity, a party to misogyny. Because I’m forcing him to be “lesser” by making him dress in a feminine manner.

Now, I will agree that many people who participate in forced femme are coming from a place of misogyny. I’ve heard many a submissive man want me to force him into a pair of heels and a dress in order to access his submissive side. That he couldn’t submit any other way. As if somehow only women can be submissive because they are somehow meant to be. That is the kind of forced femme that I don’t like. I won’t do it. It does nothing for me. In fact, it’s a big turn-off.

But that isn’t how forced femme works for The Husband. It makes him uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel natural to him. It’s as if he suddenly sprouted feathers instead of having hair. I like making him uncomfortable. I like taking him out of his comfort zone. And, admittedly, he looks incredibly hot in lace and satin and a pair of heels. Which I love!

And he does see it as a form of humiliation. Not because he’s being feminized or made to be more like a woman. But because it’s not who he is. I would get the same reaction if I dressed him as an infant. And it certainly isn’t like he feels being a baby was a humiliating time in his life. Or that babies are somehow not ok. It simply isn’t who he is. And I don’t dress him like that because I find stockings and heels sexy and I don’t find diapers and baby bonnets sexy.

If I did, he might find himself in a baby bonnet and thigh high boots. Of course, he would do it. And be uncomfortable. And turned on by being taken out of his comfort zone. But I’d really rather see him in lace.


Leather: to be or not to be

I recently went to a Leather Community educational event. I was subsequently informed that I am “Leather.” I identify as many things, but Leather isn’t one of them. However, in the interest of keeping an open mind, I decided to do some research on what being “Leather” in the BDSM community means. Perhaps I was Leather and just didn’t realize it.

Wikipedia was useless in determining any set of values. The most it could offer was that there is some association with the military, drugs, motorcycles, and BDSM. Of those, I’m only interested in BDSM. Other articles from various BDSM or Leather sites suggest that Leather involves wearing leather clothing. Then I found a few sites specifically meant for the leather community. Now we’re on to something!

So according to one, Leather values include loyalty, respect, integrity, and courage. Another Leather site additionally listed empathy, a desire to learn, and self knowledge as important Leather values. The National Leather Association says that Leather values include honesty, accountability, education, and community service. I’m seeing a bit of a trend here. So maybe I could be considered Leather after all. Except…

I don’t think these values are so much “Leather Values” as they are “being a decent human being values.” Well, to be honest, I’m not much for volunteering or community service. But I do strive to be empathetic, know myself, be honest, keep learning and improving myself, etc. Except…

It reminds me of a scene from the old movie, “Amadeus.” They are trying to decide which language an opera should be in. It goes something like this:

Mozart: “It’s highly moral, Majesty, it’s full of proper German virtues.”

Salieri: “Excuse me, Majesty, but what do you think these could be? Being a foreigner, I would love to learn.”

Emperor: “Well, tell him Mozart. Name us a German virtue.”

Mozart: “Love, sire.”

Salieri : “Oh! Love! Well, of course, in Italy we know nothing about love.”

And, of course, Salieri is right. Love isn’t exclusively a “German” virtue any more than loyalty or respect or education are exclusively “Leather” values. So I don’t think I’ll be calling myself Leather any time soon.

Musings on the “pornified slave”

slave [sleyv]


1. a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant

2. a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person

3. a drudge “a housekeeping slave”

Note that in the above official definition from the dictionary, the slave is entirely and wholly under the authority of someone (something) else. Entirely. Wholly. Not occasionally. Not somewhat. Not on a few things, but not on others. Not even on most things. Not even most of the time. Entirely. Wholly.

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