I attend a lot of classes and workshops. One of my least favorite was from a few years ago. I had been looking forward to the class. It was being given by a very well respected M/s couple. They teach all the time and get rave reviews, so I was expecting to get some useful information from the class. It has been a while. What did I learn about M/s relationships that day?
If she is a great example of a power slave, I don’t ever want one.
What I remember most is them discussing how she isn’t submissive. She doesn’t need or particularly want his direction. She wants him to give her tasks and then turn her loose to do it her way. I want to decide what tasks are important to me, determine how I’d best like them done, and in what order they should be given precedence. Someone who doesn’t want to do things my way is going to end up frustrating me or causing me to just give up on having things done the way I want them done. Then I just end up doing things myself.
I also remember a story about how she is allowed a lot of leeway with her behavior because it takes such a strong and passionate woman a lot to deal with her slavery. In one story, she had become so upset and angry about some directive that she got out of the car at a stop light and stalked angrily through some unknown (and somewhat unsafe) area while he followed patiently in the car until she calmed down enough to talk. I was aghast at this. Of course I wouldn’t have wanted to leave someone stranded either. But the kind of person who would become so angry that s/he would jump out of a car and stomp off? Does not sound like someone I would like to try to have as my slave or submissive. It seems to me that this person places little value on hir own safety, and little regard for my time.
The other story I remember is one where her “passion” and “emotions” ran so strong that she sometimes said very hurtful things to him. So he would put her in a special place in their home until she calmed down. She had leave to cause this to happen 3 times in a given time period. (I can’t remember now if it was a week or a day or a month, but I do remember it was closer to a day than a month.) He said that if it ever got to that fourth time that the relationship would basically be over. And that he had the same rule for himself, except that if he ever needed it the first time the relationship would be over. And I thought about how I don’t think I could deal with someone who said such hurtful things that I needed to create such a rule. And certainly I would not want to have to deal with this kind of behavior often enough that 3 times/week (or so) was the standard. Do I want someone who loses their temper at me on a regular basis? I like passion. I am also a passionate person. But this isn’t my idea of a good direction for someone’s passion to take. Be passionate about music or politics or gardening. Don’t just erupt.
And yet… and yet…
I seem to have one. How the hell did I get here?