Monthly Archives: July 2015

Musings on “power slaves”

I attend a lot of classes and workshops. One of my least favorite was from a few years ago. I had been looking forward to the class. It was being given by a very well respected M/s couple. They teach all the time and get rave reviews, so I was expecting to get some useful information from the class. It has been a while. What did I learn about M/s relationships that day?

If she is a great example of a power slave, I don’t ever want one.

What I remember most is them discussing how she isn’t submissive. She doesn’t need or particularly want his direction. She wants him to give her tasks and then turn her loose to do it her way. I want to decide what tasks are important to me, determine how I’d best like them done, and in what order they should be given precedence. Someone who doesn’t want to do things my way is going to end up frustrating me or causing me to just give up on having things done the way I want them done. Then I just end up doing things myself.

I also remember a story about how she is allowed a lot of leeway with her behavior because it takes such a strong and passionate woman a lot to deal with her slavery. In one story, she had become so upset and angry about some directive that she got out of the car at a stop light and stalked angrily through some unknown (and somewhat unsafe) area while he followed patiently in the car until she calmed down enough to talk. I was aghast at this. Of course I wouldn’t have wanted to leave someone stranded either. But the kind of person who would become so angry that s/he would jump out of a car and stomp off? Does not sound like someone I would like to try to have as my slave or submissive. It seems to me that this person places little value on hir own safety, and little regard for my time.

The other story I remember is one where her “passion” and “emotions” ran so strong that she sometimes said very hurtful things to him. So he would put her in a special place in their home until she calmed down. She had leave to cause this to happen 3 times in a given time period. (I can’t remember now if it was a week or a day or a month, but I do remember it was closer to a day than a month.) He said that if it ever got to that fourth time that the relationship would basically be over. And that he had the same rule for himself, except that if he ever needed it the first time the relationship would be over. And I thought about how I don’t think I could deal with someone who said such hurtful things that I needed to create such a rule. And certainly I would not want to have to deal with this kind of behavior often enough that 3 times/week (or so) was the standard. Do I want someone who loses their temper at me on a regular basis? I like passion. I am also a passionate person. But this isn’t my idea of a good direction for someone’s passion to take. Be passionate about music or politics or gardening. Don’t just erupt.

And yet… and yet…

I seem to have one. How the hell did I get here?

Musings on shared experiences

“I hope you enjoy the sex as much as I do!”

“No?”

“Well, given what you’ve told me about how it makes you feel…”

He was very apologetic. He looked so genuinely sorry but at the same time so very happy that he could make me feel that way. I know he loves me. And I do enjoy our sex in a way that is both visceral and transcendent. It’s amazing. But.

I want to share that feeling with someone. Not only be taken there with someone, but share that with them. And if it hasn’t happened by now with him, it won’t. It makes me sad.

I suppose I should be happy. I know this won’t be a permanent relationship. That leaves a space for someone in my future with whom I can share this feeling with. Some day. I should be able to be more excited about that prospect. And still enjoy the magnificence that is my current sex life. And I have two magnificent partners. Both are amazing lovers. Head and shoulders above all the other lovers I have had over the years.

But the frightened, jaded parts of my mind are pointing out how long it took to find this feeling at all. And the astronomical odds against finding it ever again with someone else, let alone someone I can share that feeling with. Then I will have lost it forever.

Suggestion: let there be better sex for all!

It has been quite a while since I have written anything. I’d love to say that I’ve been too busy solving the economic crises of the world or curing cancer, but really I’ve just been somewhat unmotivated to blog. I have been busy doing other very boring life things. Work. Play. Laundry. That sort of thing. (Well, the play isn’t boring at all… but I figured I’d just throw that in there too.)

Plus, I haven’t found much that inspired me to want to write. Except…

Sex. Always a popular subject, right? I found a fantastic sex blog. No, not the kind that you wank to. A science blog. The kind you read if you want to actually figure out how to have better sex. And that’s a big YAY in my book! I don’t know about you, but I certainly would like to have even more awesome sex. And reading blogs has also been keeping me away from writing here. I have actually done quite a few things worth blogging about. I just haven’t gotten the motivation up to actually do it yet.

Also, I’d just like to have more sex with the Husband and the Wild Thing. And I’d especially like to have sex with both of them together. A woman can dream! (I think I’ve been reading too much yaoi lately.)