Introvert + Poly: A work in progress

I have hardly had a moment to myself lately. That is both good and bad. The good part is that I’ve gotten to see family and friends. And I have gotten to spend a lot of time with both of my loves. All of that is great. But there is also a bad side.

I’m an introvert. I don’t like being around large groups of people I don’t know. I don’t even like being around small groups of people I don’t know. I also dislike being around large groups of people I do know and small groups of people I know. In short, I would make a very good hermit.

That also means that when I have had an hour or two without any company, the last thing I have wanted to do is blog. This is basically a means of communication with other people. And basically, when I have spent too much time around people…


It’s not that the people in my life are horrible people. They aren’t hard to be around. But this is just how my introversion works. I have actually had a whole day without company in my home. I have been alone. Utterly, completely, peacefully, beautifully,blessedly ALONE! It’s been glorious.

This, for me, was a huge hurdle in having a functional poly relationship. It’s simple really. It’s so obvious. Any idiot could have seen it. Except for me. I didn’t even consider my introverted nature when I started on my poly pathway. But any idiot could do the math. More people = less alone time.

For the most part, it has not been terrible. The Husband has the kind of job where he travels often. That worked perfectly well for me when we were a twosome. Then the Wild Thing came into the mix. Suddenly I had less than half of the free time I was used to having. It is a lot like having a traditional relationship. Instead of spending a whole day once a month or so and a few evenings a week with the Husband… suddenly I found almost every evening filled with another person. It was a major adjustment.

I love them. I want to spend time with them. I want to spend a lot of time with them. I do. And I do … spend a lot of time with them. It’s wonderful. I enjoy the time we spend together. But after several weeks of not having an evening to myself, I am incredibly happy to have a few days without any other humans in my living space. The holiday season was like this last year as well. I thought it was a fluke that I was so surrounded by people. Clearly not.

But next year… NEXT year I am going to plan better so that I have more time to myself. Otherwise I might flee my own home for the hills slightly less metaphorically than I did this year.


One response to “Introvert + Poly: A work in progress

  1. Rumi noted in a 13th century poem. “A little while alone in your room is more precious than having sway over thousands of people.” People who love their aloneness love their own company. What could be better?

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