Musings on what I like: actually submissive submissives

Logically, I know that not everyone will be attracted to what I’m attracted to. I’ve always acknowledged that I don’t really go for the stereotypically attractive men. I like slight men. Short. Wiry. Pretty. Submissive. While I can be attracted to men that the world might identify as “alpha,” (not that I personally care for that particular term) it’s much easier for me to be attracted to men who most would not label as alpha, leader, etc. It isn’t that I don’t like a man with his own personality. Or that inner strength. On the contrary, I appreciate a man who is unafraid to be whoever he is. But I have a special sweet spot in my heart for men who are unabashedly, whole heartedly, fearlessly submissive.

One who can embrace his desire to hand over authority to me. One who wants to do things that make me happy. One who embraces the part of himself that revels in making my life more pleasurable. I have sometimes worried that my style of dominance doesn’t resonate as dominant to many people. I don’t really want to deal with someone who won’t willingly hand over authority once he knows I’m trustworthy. I also refuse to act dominantly before I consent to it. Which can also be a potential turn-off to potential submissives. But when it works, it’s brilliant.

That fearlessly submissive man who clicks with me empowers me to look at my own desires and make them known to him. To expect that he will do the things I ask him to do. To find my nurturing side, which can only express itself through my ability to be the dominant partner. Because that does seem to be the only way it will come to the fore with me. If he isn’t submitting to my authority, taking care of my most basic of needs… then my desire to nurture is basically nonexistent. It isn’t that I don’t care about someone who isn’t submitting to me. I can and have. But there’s caring, and there’s the desire to nurture and help him be the absolute best he can be.

And that only seems to come out once I am confident in his joyous submission to me.

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6 responses to “Musings on what I like: actually submissive submissives

  1. A beautiful succinct clear expression of what you want. Also consistent with many of your other posts and I suspect you have had your fair share of trial and error.I have a haunting question for you that stumps me. Im sure im a pretty submissive guy but I have always needed a women to activate my submissiveness by sexualizing her dominance. I would really appreciate your comments on this. Am I truly a submissive in my core if that is a strong condition for my “surrender”?  I use the term “surrender” advisedly because I distinguish between submission as a mere physical surrender and 

    Sent from my U.S. Cellular® Smartphone

    • I believe the last part of your post didn’t make it onto the blog. So I don’t know what you’re distinguishing between!

      I would also say that in order to better answer your question, you would need to clarify what you mean by “sexualizing her dominance.”

  2. I use the term “surrender” advisedly because I distinguish between submission as a mere physical act.. I see surrender as body and soul activated by my inborn and innate deep passion to give myself wholly and unreservedly to a women that honors that gift. She doesn’t have to say it every day, or every week or every month for that matter.
    For me when a person sexualizes a relationship they are risking opening both the doors to physical, spiritual and emotional intercourse. So much of BDSM for me and all it’s aspects from flogging to humiliation,to CBT for example, are in fact sexual and are mere physical expressions of a deeper subconscious desire to surrender on a deeper level. Sexualizing dominance means, to me, that a women is fully capable of accessing every aspect of her power and using it! The whole realm of play,flirting,teasing,taunting, touching are older than our own specie. All mammals have these rituals as a precursor to mating. So sexualizing dominance means, to me, that a women uses her natural sexual superiority as part of the tools of her dominance as a daily reminder of my surrender.
    So, am I truly a submissive in my core if I require a women to be explicitly sexual as a strong condition for my “surrender”?

    That was very difficult for me to express and I hope you can give me some incite into my own nature on this subject.
    peter

    .

    • Well, I don’t personally consider myself sexually superior to my male counterparts. Nor do I consider that my sexuality or sexual expression are a big part of my dominance. However, I think that it’s fine if it works that way for other people. So if you are submissive only when a woman is behaving sexually towards you on a regular basis, then just be sure to express that. Submission (in my opinion) simply means that someone wants to give up some control or authority to someone else. If you want to give up control or authority, then you are submissive (in my opinion). If your submission comes with conditions, it’s still submission. It is submission with conditions.

  3. I really appreciated this post. There have been some recent changes in my own relationship to where I could see that things that I requested my sub to complete, would be done with a heavy sigh and an occasional eye roll. You hit it on the head when you mentioned the word “joyous”. It’s great when what the Domme (or Dom) and sub choose to do things that is pleasing, it works great, but I have seen in my own experience when one or both people aren’t thrilled with the idea, unfortunately. And I guess no, either party is not always going to like doing things but they do them because they care for each other, and hopefully with minus the complaints.

    • It took me a long time to believe anyone could be joyous in their submission. Years. Some of my own personal baggage from trying the other side of the slash myself… And then I had even more experiences with people who self identified as submissive, but did not actually want to give up much or any authority. But then I found someone who just… does what I ask him to do. It was such a revelation that it took me several months to trust it! But after I saw that joy, it was amazing. He doesn’t always love doing what I ask of him. Sometimes he hates it. But he does it. And because he almost always does the things I ask him to do with joy and love, the times he expresses that he doesn’t really want to do the thing I just asked him to do (few and far between, really) … just seem so much easier to handle and not get down about! Of course, it’s also helped by the fact that he might complain, but I know he’ll still do it. And do it the way I’ve asked him to do it.

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