Category Archives: kink

This is my life: the parking lot

I hadn’t seen him in way too long. We were both hungering for each other. I met him for dinner though I had already eaten and wasn’t hungry for anything other than the sight of him. The touch of his lips. I had prepared for our particular relationship complications by putting a pillow and sleeping bag in the car.

We climbed in the back with the windows rolled partially down. It was warm and he was soft. It was quiet and I was enjoying holding him as he held me. I was so comfortable that I almost fell asleep. He shifted and I pulled him back to me for a kiss. Then he said it:

“I want you so badly.”

I wanted him too. When I pulled him back to me, I felt him hard against my belly. I grabbed it through his pants. Then I wanted to feel his skin. I had his pants unzipped and his cock in my hand. My mouth sucking on his tongue. He put his hand down my pants. His fingers inside me. I bit him hard as I came in the parking lot in the back seat of my car, hoping I wasn’t being loud enough to attract unwanted attention.

I pulled away from him and his lazy smile looked so pleased. But I wanted him to cum too. I pushed him back and put his lovely cock in my mouth. Until he came all over his shirt. In the back seat of my car in the parking lot. I pulled back to see the dreamy look on his face. A few minutes later, someone walked by and looked in at us. Both fully clothed but looking quite languidly satisfied. Maybe the passer by noticed the large wet stain on his shirt. It was hard to miss.

Advertisements

Musings on forced femme & feminization

It’s a touchy subject. And it’s surrounded by heated debates almost every time it is brought up. Forced anything play.

I do it. I like it. Sometimes. And other times, I wouldn’t touch it under threat of death. (Slight exaggeration, but you get the picture.) Why? Well I’m glad you asked. I’ll tell you! And I’m using forced femme as my platform as I’ve just read something that insisted that all forms of forced femme stem from a place of misogyny. I have, therefore, just been called a misogynyst. Of course, I disagree.

I have two very different submissives right now. The Wild Thing wears panties every day. I took away all his “man” undergarments. He has one pair of black boxer briefs that he is allowed to keep in case he has some kind of emergency where he needs to present as male/masculine. Otherwise he wears panties. All day every day. It isn’t forced. I require it, but I didn’t force it out of him. It’s who he is. He owned some before we met along with some skirts and feminine lingerie. It’s natural to him. As natural and right as his having skin or legs or eyes. It was my choice to have him wear them all the time, but I did so because it is a part of him. I want him to know I think it’s sexy and beautiful and that I love to see him in his panties.

I also like to see The Husband in sexy feminine clothing. He has a love/hate relationship with wearing them. He doesn’t like wearing them. He likes being forced. I like to see him in them. I like forcing him. Many people would say that he’s a misogynistic jerk because he likes me to force him to wear women’s clothing. And that I am, by my participation in this activity, a party to misogyny. Because I’m forcing him to be “lesser” by making him dress in a feminine manner.

Now, I will agree that many people who participate in forced femme are coming from a place of misogyny. I’ve heard many a submissive man want me to force him into a pair of heels and a dress in order to access his submissive side. That he couldn’t submit any other way. As if somehow only women can be submissive because they are somehow meant to be. That is the kind of forced femme that I don’t like. I won’t do it. It does nothing for me. In fact, it’s a big turn-off.

But that isn’t how forced femme works for The Husband. It makes him uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel natural to him. It’s as if he suddenly sprouted feathers instead of having hair. I like making him uncomfortable. I like taking him out of his comfort zone. And, admittedly, he looks incredibly hot in lace and satin and a pair of heels. Which I love!

And he does see it as a form of humiliation. Not because he’s being feminized or made to be more like a woman. But because it’s not who he is. I would get the same reaction if I dressed him as an infant. And it certainly isn’t like he feels being a baby was a humiliating time in his life. Or that babies are somehow not ok. It simply isn’t who he is. And I don’t dress him like that because I find stockings and heels sexy and I don’t find diapers and baby bonnets sexy.

If I did, he might find himself in a baby bonnet and thigh high boots. Of course, he would do it. And be uncomfortable. And turned on by being taken out of his comfort zone. But I’d really rather see him in lace.

Musings on the “pornified slave”

slave [sleyv]

noun

1. a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant

2. a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person

3. a drudge “a housekeeping slave”

Note that in the above official definition from the dictionary, the slave is entirely and wholly under the authority of someone (something) else. Entirely. Wholly. Not occasionally. Not somewhat. Not on a few things, but not on others. Not even on most things. Not even most of the time. Entirely. Wholly.

Continue reading

Nobody can’t get no satisfaction (sometimes)

The problem (aside from not getting nearly enough of it) with having sexual experiences so shockingly exceptional is… that it can become a craving. And anything less can seem undesirable. This isn’t to say that I don’t treasure that night. I do. I wouldn’t change it or give it up for the world. If I had it to do over again, I’d do the same thing. But now I have this odd love/hate relationship with sex when it comes to the Wild Thing. I hope for something transcendent again. Every time. But I also fear I’ll never feel that again.

The other problem is that I am now giving something (partially de-kinked sex*) to the Wild Thing that I don’t seem to be able to manage with the Husband. It isn’t for lack of trying. It’s just that they are two different men and I have two different dynamics with them. I’ve given it some thought. My current conclusion is that my dynamic with the Husband includes a very healthy dose of S/m. And for him, sex is intrinsically linked with pain of some sort. Emotional, physical, both. So though he tells me he wants vanilla sex. Lovemaking. No kink. His cock won’t cooperate with that idea in his head.

And really, neither of these are gargantuan problems. I still manage to fuck the Wild Thing whenever I get the chance. Sometimes it’s transcendent. Sometimes it’s merely wonderful. And while it probably looks like “lovemaking” or “non-kinky” sex to the Husband, it isn’t. *The D/s dynamic permeates every interaction the Wild Thing and I have, including sex. So whether it’s transporting me across the universe or just across the room and into bed, my sex with the Wild Thing is D/s sex. It isn’t vanilla by a long shot.

Doing it wrong: bottoming isn’t submitting and there’s nothing wrong with that (except when one calls it submitting)

Sit down and get ideas of your sub – make a list of what drives him to the edge. Then you can add little bits on from that. ie he wants you to play with his erection and you want your house clean – so order him to clean your house but keep your hands on his naked body so he is constantly aroused. win win situation

I havent had a women dom me but i once did a dare that my female flatmates jump for joy.
It invovled 2 of us walking into the corner store which was located next to us with 1 female all dressed up -ie hair up make up sun glass heels and acting like a controlling bitch with her nose in the air type of thing – and me nude and erect. I also had a leash tied around my balls which she led me by.
Now we didnt go into this cold – I had one of my flatmates ask the woman in the shop if this was going to be okay the day before and ask if she wanted to add anything to the scenario. She was fine with it.
I loved the embarrassment i felt and the fear of what if someone else came into the store. I never shook so much in my life.”

 

This is an answer (unedited) from a man who lists himself as a submissive man on Fetlife to a question from a new dominant woman looking for some ideas for a fun playtime. On the surface, it is good advice. It’s advice that’s given quite a lot. But for me, it falls short. It’s missing the part where the dominant gets to think about what she wants and enact those ideas. The more usual advice is for the parties to get a kink checklist and go over it together. In the above model, the ideas all stem from the submissive (or, in my opinion the bottom, not the submissive) partner. Now, in a Top/bottom relationship it can work beautifully.

However, in a Dominant/submissive relationship, it can leave one or both partners unsatisfied. When the impetus or ideas stem from the submissive, he or she is the one making the action. I have been there. In this equation, the dominant is following the direction of the submissive. That basically turns the dynamic on its head. Sure she’s going to be allowed to “add to it.” But that’s just window dressing. He’s the one creating the scene. That works if she doesn’t want the authority to create the action and if he wants to retain the authority to create the scene. But for the dominant woman who wants to create her own scenes, it’s not very fulfilling. It’s frustrating.

I’m not saying that a dominant can’t or shouldn’t take the submissive’s desires and needs into consideration. I think it’s important for a dominant to know what needs the submissive has. Everyone deserves to have their needs met by their chosen relationship(s). But my point is that a major need for a dominant person is to be able to have authority. And the compliment to that is that a submissive person has a major need to relinquish authority. Sure, it might or might not include everything (or anything) having to do with play. But, in my honest opinion, when it doesn’t? It’s in the realm of Top/bottom and not Dominant/submissive. If it’s a spade, call it a spade.

And my real frustration with the idea of that comment is how incredibly common it is. It’s so common (at least in my experiences with both reading online and in person negotiation) that a male submissive expects that what he wants during play will be what happens. Sure, there may be other things that happen (within reason, of course). But the things he wants will happen. It is so common that it’s rare when I don’t encounter it. And it can be confusing and annoying to women who are dominant. Those who are expecting to be able to call the shots. I’m not shocked that so many new female dominants simply give up. Quit trying. Run away from it all. If I hadn’t come into the kink scene how I had, I probably would have run too.

Bottom line is that I think we would retain a lot more female dominants (and it seems to be quite the complaint of submissive men… not nearly enough dominant women) if we called a spade a spade. Much less frustration. Much more understanding. (And I’m leaving that entire last paragraph alone since it sounds like utter fantasy, and if it isn’t then he’s incredibly lucky he wasn’t arrested.)

This is my life: A night like any other

We had been together for several days already. There had been opportunities, but I’d passed them up. It didn’t seem quite the moment. He was not in his usual happy mood. I was waiting. I had him do some cooking, which usually cheers him up. It seemed to bring back some of his usual cheerful demeanor, but it didn’t last. I had given him some chores. That helped temporarily as well. He even asked if there was more he could do. But eventually, I was tired of waiting for that perfect moment.

I stripped him. I bound him. I started biting and flogging him. He began crying with the flogging. I had been expecting that. He’d been in a melancholy mood. His emotions close to the surface. I soon gave up the flogger for the whips. I began to hurt him in earnest. He sobbed. I put a towel down at his feet so he could drool, spit, sputter, anything. And he did. I gave him tissues and sips of water. I continued to whip him til his legs were collapsing and his back was bloody.

As his legs gave out, it was starting to pull on his wrists. His arms stretched overhead to their limit. So I took the cuffs off. And kept going. I placed my foot near his hand so he could touch me if he wanted to. Or needed to. He did. Eventually I decided he’d had enough. He was sobbing on the ground in a small pile of beautiful, bloody, submissive flesh. I put the whip down and laid on the ground beside him. He reached for me with a sweet desperation. I probably shouldn’t love that. But I do. It’s one of my favorite parts of our play. He needs to feel me. Feel me surrounding him with my arms and my acceptance and my love. He needs it like air. And I love him all the more for his unabashed neediness.

This time was different though. His sobbing was less heaving and more choking tears. It felt different to me as well. I asked him about it and my suspicions were confirmed. He didn’t experience the same moving kind of catharsis he usually does when I whip him that hard. I was hoping for that catharsis for him. That letting go and purging of emotions. But it doesn’t seem to work that way for him. Actually, it’s never worked that way for anyone I’ve played with. I begin to wonder if that “I will beat you because you need to let go!” is just a myth. I think the thing that helped the most was our being together. But maybe his being able to serve me by cooking, cleaning, and meeting my sadistic needs was more help than I think. I’ll have to ask him after more time has passed and he has some distance from it.

30 Days of Kink: 26 – 30

This went significantly longer than 30 days! But finally, the last installment.

26. What’s your opinion of online BDSM play?

I think it’s not at all the same as playing in person. There is a very different feel to a scene where someone else is administering the pain/bondage/etc. Yes, the bottom can always (at least in theory) stop the scene with a safeword when playing in person. However, when playing online, it’s as easy as simply stopping since the other person is not there to prevent it. In addition to that, another person doesn’t know exactly how it feels in the moment to be tied/flogged/spanked/etc, and s/he is going to be the one doing the actions. When administering pain or bondage to yourself, you can simply not hit quite as hard (or hit a bit harder) to get the desired (by you) result. The top is usually going to hit harder/softer to get the reaction (or desired result) s/he wants. All that being said, I wouldn’t go so far (as I’ve seen others do) as to call online play “fake.” It’s real, it’s simply different.

27. Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

In an extremely roundabout way… I enjoy reading, so researching new techniques or new ways of structuring relationships can be fun! I also need to know a fair amount about human anatomy for my work, so that has come in handy on several occasions.

28. How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

What I wear runs the gamut from a leather corset over a latex catsuit with 6″ heel boots to… playing totally naked. It really depends on where I’ll be and what I’m doing. Sometimes the venue has a dress code, which I will abide by. That is often defined as “something kinky.” Often one can’t show nipples, genitals, or butt crack at the more public fetish events. At home, I still might wear boots (there can be no boot worship without boots) or latex (I find the dressing & shining process quite erotic) or other kinky clothes. If I’m going to be crawling around on a bed or the floor (if I’m going to do a significant amount of floor rigging or I’m going to be sexing up my play partner) then I am most likely not going to be wearing the boots or corsets. I’m much more likely to be naked or nearly naked. So I’d say that some of the clothing is significant in that it is a kink of mine either directly (boot worship) or indirectly (I love shiny clothing such as latex or pvc), it certainly isn’t necessary for me to enjoy some fun kinky times!

29. Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

I don’t have any attachment to any title. The one quirk I have in regards to titles is not appreciating anyone who isn’t my property calling me master or mistress. Other than that, I am fine with anything from my name to Grand High Mistress of Everything! Though the last one might cause me to burst into laughter. I also don’t particularly care if others want to use titles. As long as they understand that I, and anyone I own, may or may not choose to use them.

30. Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Sometimes, it’s good to remember things…

Like just because I’m the dominant partner, it doesn’t mean that I get everything I want. Or get to do everything I want. And that’s generally fine. Sometimes I still don’t get what I want because what I want isn’t in the best interest of my partner(s). Sometimes I have to make the call that nobody is going to get what they want because that’s what is best for everyone. Sometimes I don’t get what I want because there simply aren’t enough hours in the day. Sometimes I don’t get what I want because I chose to sacrifice that in favor of getting to have a wonderful relationship that has other benefits than “This person/these people will be able to give me everything I want.” Sometimes I don’t get what I want because physics or nature simply don’t allow for it. Sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. But you know what all those things have in common? I am still the one making the call about whether or not I’m getting everything I want. (Except for the physics/nature issue. And if I could change that, I really would.)