Tag Archives: youth

Musings on markings

From a writing on Fetlife by Girl_Named_Bill:

We didn’t know what we were doing (or what we were trying to do) had a name. And we didn’t know we were allowed to like it. We thought we were supposed to be ashamed. We just knew that there was this intense need to spend as much time as possible alone together in a place where we could safely and privately smash into each other.

I read this and was so sad that it took me half a lifetime to find someone that I want to smash into. The post also speaks of his desire to mark her. I have that. I want the entire world to know he’s MINE. I wish I could scream it from the rooftops. I wish I could tell the whole world: this one, you cannot have because he is MINE. I want to mark his flesh and I want to mark his soul. I want to smash into him. Overpower him. Take him down and claim a part of him that rests so deep inside that he didn’t even know it was there.

It’s terrible. I shouldn’t want this. Not because it’s inherently wrong, but because I know he won’t me mine forever. The intensity and passion and ownership will all be gone some day. And even knowing that, I still want to own a part of his soul. It’s irresponsible. It’s selfish. I still want it. I can’t help but want it. He said to me that his greatest fear is that this will be the best relationship of his life. I don’t think it will be. He’ll find someone that is and even better fit for him. Someone who can give him all of the things he needs that I can’t give him. I told him it won’t be. What I didn’t tell him is that I’m fairly certain that at this point in my life, I won’t have that same luxury.

More musings on being older: TNG edition

I just read a rant on fetlife about older people attending events which are specifically created for younger people. Frankly, I’m fine with niche groups. I belong to a few of them myself. Nothing wrong with it.

Despite being invited (by people who didn’t know my age) and having had several partners who would qualify my to attend the TNG events, I haven’t gone. I would not like it if a male switch in “Dom mode” showed up at my femdom group. I’m out of the age range. And unless a younger partner dragged me along for moral support (or something similar), I don’t see myself attending a group meant specifically for younger people. There are plenty of other places I can go. I don’t need to go to a group not meant for my age range. I say all of the above to say this…

Not all old people are creepers. And, in fact, some young people are creepers. Not all old people are going to hit on every hot young thing around. Some of us are so incredibly picky that it would be a minor miracle if we hit on anyone of any age. Not all old people have years of experience in kink. Sometimes, people don’t find kink until later in life. I appreciate that the TNG groups are set up to keep out the creepy old people who hit on the new, inexperienced people, scaring them away from the kink scene forever. I know there are creeper old farts who WILL hit on all the naive newbies and scare them away from kink. Yes, they are out there. But when one fails to make the distinction that creepers come in all flavors, it’s akin to calling me a creeper. Because I’m one of those older people.

And really, can we please stop with the blatant ageism? Both ways. When one assumes all old people are creepers, it’s an assumption based purely on age. That’s ageist. When one assumes all young people are naive and can’t fend for themselves, it’s also an assumption based on age. Also wrong. Let’s give the old fogies enough credit to think that we (at least most of us) can manage to keep it in our proverbial pants. Let’s give the younger kinky people enough credit to think they are perfectly capable of fending for themselves. Because doing otherwise is pretty offensive.

Caveat: I have certainly seen other reasons for TNG groups, and recognize that not all people hold the above attitudes.

Love letter

You took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting you. But now I love you. I love your grace and your quiet strength. I know people see your grace, but I don’t think as many recognize how strong you are. I feel like you’re a kindred spirit as well as my lover. I want your spirit as much as I want your body. And your grace inspires my imagination. You have managed to climb inside my head and now you seem to own a piece of my heart.

You have forever changed me and what I want in a man. Your petite frame thrills me. I love being able to pick you up and how our bodies fit together when I do. I love it equally how our bodies fit together when we’re walking hand in hand or sitting next to each other. I love being taller and larger than you. Your smallness excites me. You are the perfect mix of masculine and feminine.

In a different world, I’d have you as my wife and lover. In a different world, time would mean nothing. In a different world, you wouldn’t crave the top side. In a different world, I would want children. In a different world, the Husband would be ok with sharing you with me permanently. In a different world, we could remain together. I wish for that world. Because I feel it in my soul that you are mine. But when the time comes, I will love you enough to let you go find your happiness with the one who can meet all those needs that I can’t. I love you.

Musings on worshiping at the altar of youth

This post has been something I’ve thought about for a while now. I’m still not exactly sure what I’m saying with it, but I’m in a writing mood lately, so I’m going to just write and see what comes out.

I read a post on another blot that’s written by a male submissive. He’s getting older and is fearful that he will never find a suitable mate (a dominant woman, he’s straight) because he’s getting older. And he is starting to feel sexually irrelevant. My first reaction upon reading this post was a resounding “Welcome to my world,” followed by a strong dose of “How does it feel when the shoe is on the other foot?” Because this is something women have lived with for hundreds of years. I know it sounds terrible. I know that even thinking that makes me a first class bitch. It’s an honest account of my initial reaction to a very long and whiny post about finding someone to love and be loved by.

And really, I get it. Part of what makes me angry about it is that I’ve seen it. I have women friends who are significantly older than I am. And to a certain extent, I’m living it. As I’ve gotten older, I’m dealing with it some myself. Perhaps a bit less than vanilla or submissive women since being dominant woman gives me a little bit of privilege in the “finding a suitable mate” department. And really I have it very easy compared to a lot of people. Not only am I a dominant woman, which is supposedly the rarest of the rare (and therefore much more desirable). And for dominants, usually older is more desirable (at least up to a point). I’ve also got a few other factors on my side. I don’t look as old as I am. This gives me a bit of privilege since, for women, younger has always been stereotypically more desirable than being older. I also currently have a spouse. So in the search for partners, I have already “won.” I have one. I think that if I were trying to date in the vanilla world as a single woman, I’d be in a similar boat to most women and this submissive man.

I’d feel like my chances were dwindling. Slim and getting slimmer every day. Society tells us that if you aren’t young and buff, you’re not desirable. And that’s a pretty rough place to live.

So to the aging male submissives, I don’t really want to say “Buck up, we women have been living with this for centuries.” What I really want to say is:

I understand. I know how you feel. I know it stinks to think that all the dominant women out there seem to only be interested in younger men. I sympathize with your fears and concerns. It’s not a good feeling to think that you’re less valuable than someone else based purely on something you have no control over. I wish that things were different. And the good news is that sometimes they are different. Because I also know from experience and observation that not everyone worships at the altar of youth. The things that society at large tells us “everyone” wants? Not everyone wants those things. Sometimes even the people who might tell you they want those things don’t want those things. They know they don’t want those things but are too scared to step outside the “societally approved” box. And sometimes people don’t even know they don’t want those things yet. They figure it out eventually. No matter how old you are, someone will want you. Probably several someones will want you. So don’t worry. You aren’t sexually irrelevant. Your age isn’t going to disqualify you from ever finding someone. I know it’s frightening. The good and the bad news is that I bet all the women your age, no matter their orientation, know how you feel. I bet if you have a care for their fears and feelings, they will also have a care for yours.