Filler post here

As another blogger put it in her recent blog, the things we put on our social media are the highlights of our life. I have not had much to say lately because, well… there hasn’t been much to talk about. Just the minutia of daily living. Both the Husband and the Wild Thing have been quite busy. So there has been almost no time for fun, sex, or kink. I have largely been bored… focused on my work… revisiting my hobbies.

So this is a filler post put here to remind us all that life is not always exciting. Sometimes it is boring. Or tedious. Or unpleasant. And that is just as it should be.

Of course, I did finally get to play some with the Wild Thing this past weekend! It was worth the wait. He is incredibly beautiful when he is suffering.

Running List of Things I Want Authority Over

This is not a comprehensive list. Contents subject to change without notice. The term “you” in no way implies the personage of the reader of this document without consent of both parties. Blahblahlegaleseblah…

 

What you eat & drink when you are with me.

What audiovisual entertainment we utilize when together such as television, movies, concerts, plays, sports, etc.

Orgasms & genital/anal touching.

Sex acts. Frequency, length of the sex acts, who participates in sex acts, and type of sex acts.

Play. Frequency, length of time, and types of play.

Body hair & facial hair. Preferably all the time but definitely when we are together.

What you wear under your everyday clothing and also all kink event/playtime clothing.

Decor and arrangement of furniture in any place I will be living for more than a short time. Having a “man cave” is fine as space allows.

How the towels and sheets are folded any place I will be living for more than a short time.

Position of the toilet seat/lid any place I will be staying for one night or more.

Whether or not we have pets of any kind.

Who does what chores when.

When food/beverages occur when we are together.

Who drives what vehicle and the route we take to get where we are going.

Any major household purchase such as roofing, furniture, or appliances.

Any household services such as yard service or cable television.

Don’t be that guy

So I have a bit of a bone to pick. I have seen a rash of “woe is me” posts lately. And, admittedly, I am probably not the most sympathetic person when it comes to privileged people whining about how rough they have it. And I am particularly unsympathetic when young and conventionally attractive women whine about how hard it is being a cis, white, attractive, young woman. I mean don’t you know their life is JUST SO HARD! Well I have had a rough few weeks. So my normally sparse sympathy is currently nonexistent. Yes, yes… I know that cis, white, conventionally attractive young people do have the same basic capacity to have problems just like all other people do. But really… cry me a fucking river.

So you are the poor, poor girl that everyone wants to play with. It’s just terrible that you have access to so much play.  Yes, I hear you that you want love with your play. Frankly, so do I. I think a lot of people do. That isn’t where you lost me. I was already lost when you were whining about something that so very many people don’t have access to at all. With loving partners or not. People who would love to be able to play, but simply don’t have anyone willing to play with them. People who don’t fit the conventional standards of beauty. People who are differently abled. Trans people dealing with ridiculous prejudice. These people also deserve loving people to play with. The main difference is that they don’t always have the opportunity to even turn people down for play a lot of the time. So yeah. I get that you are unhappy you pretty, young, white, cis woman who already has a daddy. You poor thing. I just feel for you that one loving partner to play with isn’t enough for you. And you had to let the internet know how rough it is to be so pretty that everyone wants you. Yes. Isn’t it horrible for you…

And you too, poor girl too cute to be taken seriously. I feel for your terrible plight. Being young and pretty is just horrible. I mean, all the answers to the thread basically said that being young and cute is a good thing. But we all know how hard it is.

In short. If you are an able bodied, cis, young, white woman… please stop complaining about your partner-finding issues. Everyone has a rough time finding compatible partners. And you are actually quite privileged. Just try to imagine not having nearly as many options. Like if you were an elderly, differently abled, trans person of color seeking play partners. Think about that for a minute.

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

 

Caveats: I speak from my own place of privilege as someone with two compatible partners. And I fully accept that just because one is privileged in one area, they could be disadvantaged in other areas. I also do think it sucks when people in general are seeking connection and can’t find it, no matter their circumstances/privileges.

Open letter to rope people

Dear rope people,

The takate kote is not the only way to tie someone up. There are plenty of other ways to tie someone up. You don’t have to put the arms behind the back. In fact, you don’t even have to tie the arms up at all. I promise, nobody will take away your Official Shibari Master Club card. And really, if you are all so concerned about the dreaded nerve damage and the even more dreaded wrist drop

Maybe you should do a different fucking tie.

Seriously. I am sick of hearing the “woe is me” whining from rope bottoms bemoaning how they have to sacrifice their body for their art. Newsflash, you don’t have to. I’m even more sick of hearing the self-congratulatory blatherings of rope tops about how they have tied up someone, that someone got nerve damage, and the top is doing the right thing by admitting it happened. Congratulations for being a decent human.

Now you can all keep whining about nerve damage and the dangerous dangers of your dangerous shibari…

Or you can do a different fucking tie.

That is all,

Anonymouskinky

Kink, finally

Well! I finally got to play some. It reminds me that I really need it. It isn’t a want, it’s a need. The normal way I function is that I can’t even think about throwing a flogger at someone I am not in a relationship with. (Or with whom I might at least have the strong possibility of a relationship with.) But the longer I go without having some kinky fun, the more unhappy I become. And if it gets too long, people I would normally never consider playing with will start to seem like a viable option.

And I’m not talking about the way they look or if they are a jerk. I mean people I have no business entangling in an ultimately dangerous web. Like my good friends. Who are wonderful as friends, but would very likely no longer be friends if I play with them and muck up our friendship. Which would be the most likely outcome. Since I tend to become inappropriately possessive. I have, too many times, fallen down that hole. And I have lost friends because of it. I don’t want to do that any more. Which is why I stopped playing with friends that I’m not interested in as romantic or sexual partners.

Thank goodness that the Husband and the Wild Thing are finally less busy. I just hope it stays that way. I don’t have so many friends that I am keen to lose them to my lust.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

I’ve been uninspired to post

I haven’t had anything to post about. There has been a distinct lack of kink in my life lately. I miss that. I miss my kink. I miss my husband, who is currently working in another city. I miss my dog who died. I miss the life I had this time last year. Right now I’m just listless and lonely. Thus, the lack of posting. But the good news is that things can get better. As soon as I work up the energy to change things.

This is my life: I am a slave and you will do Master things to me right now!

When I first entered the kink scene, I thought I was a slave. I really believed that was where I fit in. It wasn’t, of course. But I hadn’t done any soul searching on the subject since I was brand new. I had no natural instinct about it. Perhaps because it all happened very suddenly and there were so many things happening at once. Perhaps it was because all of the examples of kink that I had before me were M/f. In the end, it doesn’t matter why, it matters that I wasn’t a slave. I wasn’t even submissive. What matters is that I did think about it eventually, after I slowed down enough to quit doing and start thinking. What matters is that I did find that natural instinct after I was not simply overwhelmed with delight in finding something that actually stirred me sexually.

So when I say that sometimes people are a little confused about exactly where they fall on the kink spectrum, I know from personal experience that it happens! When I say that sometimes, someone needs to figure out what actually works for them… brings them joy or personal fulfillment… turns them on… I know what I’m talking about. I think it’s wonderful when people are basically born with a whip in their hand. Those people who have these feelings or desires very early on have it all figured out by the time I was just stumbling into kink. They’re lucky.

I was not lucky so much as I was confused. I didn’t mean to mislead anyone. I genuinely thought I was great slave material! I was convinced I would make some nice man a wonderful slave. I was dead wrong. I am only happy that I didn’t have many dominant partners before I figured out that I was a dominant myself. And I thank the people who helped my on my journey in figuring that out. I admire their patience. I admire their restraint as well. Nobody yelled at me or tried to force me to be something I’m not. I haven’t always been so kind to the confused people in my life. I’m certainly not perfect. My past partners were merely trying to get me to do the things I said I wanted to do. To be the way I said I wanted to be.

But, of course, I wasn’t. And I didn’t want to do those things. I thought I was those things. But there is a world of difference between bottoming and submitting. And while I could manage bottoming, I never managed submitting. It was easy enough to get me to do the things I brought up. But I wasn’t very good at doing the things they wanted me to do. Sure, I might try it once to see if I liked it. But the problem was getting me to do anything more than once. And that was just in the context of play. I can’t even imagine the colossal pain in the ass I would have been if anything had ever moved from play partners to anything more.

So, my “submission” looked something like this:

Me: Hey, I saw this guy tying up this girl and spanking her. I want to try that with you.

Them: Well I am good with rope. I can totally do that.

 

Them: I am very good with a flogger. Have you ever been flogged?

Me: No, but it looked really fun to me when X was being flogged. I do think I want to try that!

 

Do you see a pattern here? I was keen to try new things. I was keen to do the things I wanted to do. But nowhere in there did I indicate that I wanted to do things with a thought to what they actually wanted. Nor did I ever indicate that I wanted to give up any control to anyone. I wanted to try the things I wanted to try. I wanted someone to do those things to me. Sure, I expected that they would enjoy the things to. But that was certainly not my main motivation.

Yes. I was a do-me bottom. And a confused one at that!

Not that being a bottom is wrong or bad. It isn’t. Bottoms are wonderful to have! They are the perfect counterpoint to tops. And do-me bottoms aren’t even a bad thing. They are the perfect counterpoint to service tops. But bottoming is not the same thing as submitting. And if you don’t have a conversation with your partner, it can lead to frustration and confusion. For both/all of you.

So listen up all you submissive people! Ask yourself if you want to do the things you want to do. Do you want to do the things that your partner wants to do? Maybe you want to do things that are mutually agreeable to all parties. Ask yourself if your main priority (not your only one, perhaps, but your main one) is you or your partner(s). Ask yourself if you want someone else making decisions about your scene. Or your life. Or maybe you want to be the one making those decisions. If your answers are anything like the examples above? Perhaps you are not submissive. Perhaps you are a bottom. Perhaps you are a do-me bottom. Perhaps you are actually… a dominant.

It happens sometimes that we are all a bit confused. And the best thing we can do for our own peace of mind and happiness is to give it some thought so that we can figure out what actually works for us. How can we find our happiness if we don’t even have a clue what it looks like?